Wednesday, August 28, 2013

This picture, symbolize exactly what my current state of emotions are. If you are a close friend of mine, you know exactly the direct translation behind this photo. I'm lost, once again I can't help but to blame myself for the lost that I've caused, no one else but me. After all, I'm the one who screw things up for us, the bad guy, and now I have to pay for the damage that I've caused which I couldn't bare myself with. 

Pain. yes, it is really painful inside. I'm back to where I was before, when you first found me, when I was lost. You saved me, from myself. Since then (previous relationship), I'm a different person in an out. I'm not who I was back then. I could not love anyone whole heartedly, I'm being more careful with every step of my life that I take. I couldn't let go and break free because I'm afraid of being hurt again. But oh dear, I was wrong, I should've let go and free myself from the pain and misery I was in back then. I'm the kind of person who is always smiling and loves to laugh. If you are falling down, I will be right there to pick you up. But you don't know that this same person is afraid of love, because I have already lost so much. Its unfair, not only to myself but to you mostly. I could love you more than I did, but I was afraid. I'm a clown, I crack jokes and being friendly is my only option to make me feel better about things.You made me forget, you made me happy again, I feel contained, you are an angel sent from above. You saved me and I couldn't thank you enough.

Sayang, just because my eyes do not show tears, doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry and I don't get hurt. Just because I come out strong, doesn't mean there is nothing wrong. Often I choose to pretend that I'm happy. So I don't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand. Smiling has always been easier for me. What happened to me before, taught me to be strong, taught me to ignore sadness, to live life to my fullest and to not show my true feelings. But I forgot, I did not take your feelings into account. I was wrong.

Baby, I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, I broke your heart into pieces. I don't think we've ever gotten into a fight like that before. But I just want you to know that those cruel things I said, well, I didn't mean them, I regret saying them. To be honest, I was mad. You hurt me, and I lashed out unfairly. Please don't take all those things I said seriously, sayang. Never in a million years did I mean to say "Fuck off." I hate using the F-word, you know me all too well. I know how much I must have hurt you. And I know I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you. I blame myself, I can't help but to hate myself for doing and saying things which hurts you.

I know I don't tell you nearly enough, that I couldn't live one day without your love. But trust me, when I say I loved you, I do. I need you, I want you. I know I wouldn't be here if not for you, when I caused you so much pain and you could've turned away, your faith held true. Your love is the key that set me free, you saved me. You loves me, despite the fact I fail you everyday. I can’t, I won’t, fall out of love. I'm not going to give up, no chance, no way and I refuse to let go. But, you gave up. I probably have caused you to much pain and I'm sorry baby, I do.

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I want to see you, I want to hear your voice. Please see me, let me mend your broken heart. I know you still got it in you, I know you still believe in us as much as I do. Please forgive me baby. Lets fall in love again, we've gone through a lot and I know we are much stronger than this sayang.

I remember all those sweet things you said, you left them running through my head. I always told you that I loved you more than you loved me, but I know deep down your love is greater than mine. You are always there, you are everywhere. But right now I wish you are here. I need you.

I'm sorry, I really am. I need you, please come back! I love you and I miss you Snuggly Boo Bear. 

I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Words are cheap, and love, it speaks the volumes that we need to make our hearts grow weak. So come on back, and have some laughs. Remember that the good times, they ain't so bad. Cause I am dying to try and find a way we can leave this all behind.

Gila, you're the air I would kill to breathe. Holds my love in your hands, still I'm searching for something. Out of breath, I am left, hoping someday I'll breathe again. It hurts to be here. I only wanted love from you. It hurts to be here. What am I gonna do?

It's too late, it’s too late to fix this. What’s the point? This is all so pointless. Sorry I tried so hard. And just, next time that I see you, just remind me not to act just like I care. All those memories you killed, and you’re just burning bridges you helped build. And everything that I say, I hope it brings you back to that one day. While all I have left to do is to just keep reminding myself to forget about you.

And I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you. I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask. And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart. And all those months I just wanted to sleep.
And it's you who I long for when I cannot sleep.

Maybe to you, I'm just a mistake. Maybe you don't love me anymore and you will never will love me the way you used to. But H, you're once mine and you're the best thing that ever happened to me, still. I love you with all my heart, always will. And I’m yours if you want, and I can be yours to spend your life with. I can be yours, we’ll hide indoors, petrified of the world. And if you’d rather stay in at night, I can relate to that. And if it feels like your heart’s dried up, I can relate to that. And if you need someone at your side, I am out there.

With YOU

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

There was hope, there was faith
There was truth but I just couldn't get it
Now there's love in my life can't let it go I just won't let it
Change has played its part
And it's healed my wounded heart

All I wanna do and all I wanna be
All I wanna feel is somethin real
I want to believe that everything I do, from here on out will be with you
It's gonna be with you

Here with you I feel safe and I know this is jut the beginning
For so long I was lost, now it feels I'm finally winning
I wouldn't mind,
I could love you for the rest of my life

Oh, it's gonna be with you
I wouldn't mind,
I could love you for the rest of my life

It's gonna be with you
Now that I found you
I'm never gonna let you go
I'm never gonna let you go away

- Jonah Johnson

Love Letter.

“People change. Feelings change. It doesn’t mean that the love once shared wasn’t true or real. It simply means that sometimes, when people grow, they grow apart.”

Right now, you are going away, further away from me.
And all i wanna do is be right there with you,
encouraging you every step of the way and
letting you know what really is inside my heart.
Right now, I am home alone, frustrated because I can't do anything about it.

I know, I don’t perse love you in a total romantic way,
You always said that it seems like I don't care.
The truth is, I care deeply about you and I love you...
I wish that you felt the same way too.
but I know you don't. This is what I have to pay, for breaking your heart.
Until that day come where you can trust me again, I will suffer willingly and whole heartedly. just for you.

And I hate to see you this way, I hate the fact that I can't do anything about it.
If anything, please please please don't forget me.
Don't you remember, the first time we met?
its keep repeating in my head, I always love you for who you are.

I do love you. Don't you see? Don't you understand?
You're the love of my life. I can't leave you.
But right now, you're leaving me. And I can only watch you, go away.
I will always love you, tho from far.

Right now, I just want to take you wherever I go,
help you forget tomorrow, love you my best
and I know all of the rest will follow.

I want to tell you how much I love you

Monday, October 17, 2011

I don't want to feel afraid anymore.
I want to tell you how much I love you. In a way it doesn't seem too big to handle, in a way it doesn't seem too small to be cast aside, in a way it doesn't seem like a total joke, in a way it doesn't seem like it's just another bundle of words together.

But I don't know how to. How to tell you I love you in the way I would want it to come out. It's hard to tell you how I really feel about you when I'm too afraid of losing you, what I already have now.

Sometimes I feel "I love you" is too short a phrase for all that to be evident.

I love you! Why should I wait until the end to tell you? I love you. I love you. I love you. That's what I wanted to tell you. Because, I don't wanna lose you all over again.

Never thought I would be in this position. Remembering every touch, every single word. How my heart always raised when I looked into your eyes. Our sharing of stories and serious talk. Laughter. Kisses. Hugs. Your hands around my body when sleeping. Your smell.

H, I know I've let you down, I've brokened your heart into million pieces, I maybe the worst thing ever happened to you. Deep down, I can never blame anyone else but me. I wish I can mend your broken heart and be with you again, start fresh.

Yours always,
si itik gila oink oink, eh! ;')

Gila, no one esle.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

It's the way you got me, head over heels for you... The way you get me, like nothing or no one else ever has. There are just those times when you give me that look & no one else may see it, but when you look at me that way, my heart just melts & I know you're the one.

We all know, everyone is looking for a something. One thing that makes it all complete. Well, for me, it's waking up beside you to watch the sun rise on your face... to know that I can say I love you at any given time or place.

You know you mean the WORLD to me.

I can only give you everything I've got. I can only be as sorry as you think I should be. And, I still love you more than anyone else will.

it's you, Gila. (and no one else).

Heartache, breathless, torn between love and let go.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

He’s on his way to nowhere. ‘Cause he heard it was safe there
I wish, I can just look away. Take all these cuts, and make them shine and all this pain I’ve held inside. So I can find my way home again. I don’t want to be perfect, just alright...

Once upon a time, something happened to me, that was the sweetest thing that ever could be, It was a fantasy, A dream come true, It was the day I met you.

The things most people don't know about me were the things I guess you always understood.

You'll always be able to make me smile... No matter how long its been.

In life, we do things... Some, we wish we had never done & some we wish we could replay a million times. But, they all make us who we are & in the end, they shape & detail us. If we were to reverse them, we wouldn't be the same person we are today. So just live. Make mistakes. & have wonderful memories. But, never second guess who you are, where you've been, & most importantly where you're going.

You're all I hoped I'd find in every single way, but everything I could give right now is everything you couldn't take.

Come on now... You know you've always been my favorite, the one that I always love the most.

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop... A chip here... A crack there... Doing damage to other people... The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we've done or that's been done to us. Sometimes, the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes, we think we can fix the damage. & Sometimes, the damage is something we can't even see.

"You are the best thing ever happened to me!" ...I think that was your best line ever.

People say everything happens for a reason. Things fall apart & others fall into place. Don't question it. Just let it happen.

There's that occasional night where I just break down & cry 'cause I know no matter what... Things will never be the same.

It breaks my heart; it makes me sad to think of all the times we had.You made me laugh and you made me cry. And all that I can do is sigh,and wonder why.

I wish I could walk away and forget what we have,but I can't,because I know you won't come after me,and I guess that's what hurts the most.

They say, sometimes you have to let them be free...and leting go is not easy as loving you, where it comes naturally.

and there is no remedy for love but to love more.

So.. i'll just try and let go and wait, and maybe in that time I will start to move on.. but that's gotta happen on its own.. i mean, as much as I'd like to.. i cant just make my heart stop feeling things that it wants to feel.

But I don't want anyone else to get the chance to realize how amazing you are. Even if a day should go by when I don't say "I Love You", may there never be a moment gone by without you knowing that I do.

"The most important thing is to enjoy life; to be happy... That's all that matters." --Audrey Hepburn.

One true love

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face.

In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

--------- Bob Marley

Secuit sedih hati

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Tahukah dirimu aku masih mencinta?
tahukah dirimu setiap saat aku merindu,
setia mengharap belai kasihmu.

Bukan aku tak pernah mengerti dirmu,
ku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku.
Hati ku jujur, niat ku telus.
Namun aku manusia lemah, serba kekurangan.

Aku sedar kesilapan ku, aku sedar kilaf diriku.
Terasa seperti baru kemarin kau singgah lalu kau curi hatiku,
sejak hari itu kau rajaku dan aku budakmu,
siang malam kau ukir cinta, lagi dan lagi begitu nyata.
Kita punya dunia sendiri, tak ada siapa yang mengerti.

Dan bila kau pergi, aku hilang dari kewujudan.
Kini aku terbelenggu sepi dalam ruang hampa hati
Teriakkan Aku, teriak sampai semua tertidur.
Ya aku tahu, ini semua silap aku.

Tak mampu ku menatap, tak mampu ku berucap, tak mampu ku bersikap,
Hanya hati yang dapat menangkap dan merasakan,
Ruangan ini hampa dan sunyi
Tak ada keindahan lagi setelah kau pergi.

Jika diberi peluang sekali lagi, kan ku bukti betapa hati
ini tertulis hanya nama mu. Aku mengharap, kau mengerti.

Menjaga Hati

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Masih tertinggal,
bayangan mu,
yang telah membekas,
di relung hati ku.
Hujan tanpa henti,
seolah pertanda,
cinta tak disini lagi kau t’lah berpaling.

Biarkan, aku menjaga, perasaan ini oh.
Menjaga, segenap cinta, yang telah kau beri.
Engkau pergi, aku tak ‘kan pergi.
Kau menjauh aku tak ‘kan jauh.
Sebenarnya, diri ku masih,
mengharapkan mu.

Masih adakah,
cahaya rindu mu,
yang dulu selalu,
cerminkan hati mu.
Aku tak’kan bisa,
menghapus diri mu,
meski ku lihat kini kau diseberang sana.

Andai akhirnya,
kau tak juga kembali,
aku tetap sendiri,
menjaga hati.

Sejujurnya, diri ku masih,
mengharapkan mu.

Cinta = Gundah

Monday, August 8, 2011

Cinta itu tidak terbit semena-mena. Cinta bukan sesuatu yang tercampak ke dalam atau tercampak keluar. Ia ada asalannya. Cinta itu terbitnya daripada hati. Dan cinta itu ialah perasaan dan rasa. Manusia tidak akan lari daripada memiliki kedua-duanya. Perasaan dan rasa.

Namun, bagaimana cinta itu? Bagaimana cinta yang benar? Begitulah hati-hati yang merindu akan tertanya-tanya, begitulah hati yang resah dan gundah akan tercari-cari. Dengan apa cinta itu bisa diasaskan? Apakah ini cinta? Bagaimana mungkin cinta itu ialah satu rasa yang sementara bahagianya?

Sedang yang kerap kali terjeluak itu ialah sengsara? Cinta di kala kejauhan membuatkan jiwa-jiwa rasa tidak tenteram, resah gelisah, inikah cinta? Apakah bukan sepatutnya cinta itu menjadi sesuatu yang menyenangkan, melapangkan, mengamankan? Cinta di kala kejauhan menguji kepercayaan sesama jiwa, apakah dia setia? Apakah dia selamat? Adakah itu adakah ini? Sehingga jiwa menjadi tidak selesa, sentiasa terfikir-fikir, sehingga kerja tidak menjadi, inikah cinta?

Aku resah, aku gelisah. Bukan kerana ketiadaan cinta, tetapi kerana masih mencintai. Ia, semuanya sudah berakhir di antara kita tetapi aku masih tetap sayang, masih tetap rindu, masih terkenangkan masa lalu. Tidak pernah hati aku sekeliru ini. Tidak pernah hati aku, merasa penuh selengkap ini sedang mencintai. Mungkin, ini yang di katakan cinta sejati?

Memang, aku banyak sesalan. Tidak ada yang lain dapat aku salahkan kecuali empunya diri sendiri atas terputusnya hubungan kita. Aku cuba untuk berdiri teguh tanpa kamu, cuba untuk bersendiri berdiam diri tanpa mengenangkan kamu. Cuba untuk membuang perasaan hati ini. Bodoh! Apa yang cuba aku lakukan? Tidak, semua itu tidak mungkin terjadi.

Sehingga kini, aku masih mencintai kamu. Aku, belajar dari kesilapan diri. Aku seorang manusia yang lebih baik dari semalam kerana kamu. Alangkah indahnya jika kita dapat bersama semula. Akan ku tatang, ku sayang, ku jaga dirimu lebih dari dulu. Aku masih mengharap, masih percaya akan cinta kita.

Hati aku sakit, melihat kamu bersama yang lain. Hati aku sedih tidak dapat bersama berkongsi rasa gembira. Hati kecil ini, meratap ronta pabila kesedihan pabila ada yang mahu diceritakan. Tetapi semuanya harus disimpan, tidak dapat diceritakan. Semuanya salah aku.

Aku masih, perlukan kamu. Ingin bersama kamu semula,


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Life is exciting you step outside of your comfort zone.
All it takes is a little bit of imagination, exploring and
looking for more from what life is willing to offer you.
Living a life that is full of experiences is the way to go
- after all you only get to live once!!

Today, is the last day for me working in
And its a new beginning; adventure in life for H.
H, I wish I can tell you how proud I'm with you.
At one point, I'm very happy for you and on
the other hand, I'm upset because I wish I'm there with you.
To give you full support and to be by your side.

I wish I can tell you how happy I'm for you.
But I remember, the limitation that I've caused;
from pushing you away. It breaks my heart,
not being able to tell you how I feel, I have to
keep it all in me and just to keep it aside.
It is something that i have to pay for, my own mistake.
I wish you know, how difficult it has been since
the day you leave my life.

I wish you all the best H, and good luck with the
new path you're taking in your life. I know you
can do it, just believe in yourself. and I know
for sure that you'll do great. I have so much hope
for you in the near future. You have so much potential
to grow as a person and to be successful.
Just believe in yourself, I believe in you.
I miss you, H.

The end of a journey, the beginning of a new

As some of you know, today is my last
day working at Jobstreet. com. Importantly, the decision to
leave has been entirely of my own making.
I can't tell you how difficult it is to describe
how sad I am to be leaving. When I got here months
ago (16/08/2010), I would never have realized how connected
I would be to such a warm community of people.
To all of the wonderful people whom I have had
the opportunity to work with over the past 9 months - Thank You.

During my tenure here, many times I have been
humbled by the kindness of each and every one of you.
You’ve helped me through some difficult times,
and shared the joyous times in yours. Some people
judge their lives on what they do, others on who they are.
I want my life judged on the friends I keep, and how
enriched I am from just knowing you. The times shared,
friendships forged and the incredible successes which
we have enjoyed have been an extraordinary part of my life.
I am very proud of what we have achieved and they
have been times I will never forget.

To quote Shakespeare:
"And whether we shall meet again I know not.
Therefore our everlasting farewell take:
Forever, and forever, farewell, friends!
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why, then this parting was well made. "

So... until the next time we gather, my very dear friends, farewell for now.

My heart is not ready, healing

Monday, May 9, 2011

When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone.
They can comeback to you, even at unlikely times.
And I believe that, no one can stop loving or caring
for someone in an instant... unless the feelings
were fake to start with.

I can't help but wonder if I'm capable of loving again.
My heart is not ready, still healing, still hurting.
Someone comes along into my life, at the right time.
Wanting to know me better, wanting to be with me.
Yet I feel myself irresistibly draw away
from this level of committing this quickly.

I have a lot of questions in my mind:
How long would you estimate would be a
normal about of time for someone to open up
to another person, after having a somewhat bumpy
relationship prior? How will I know I actually
love this person? How will I know that I'm not just
committing into it just to be the pleaser, thus starting
the door-mat type relationship all over again?
And finally, is it wrong of me to have second thoughts
about being in a committed relationship at this time?
I'm still not ready, where somehow somewhat my heart
still belong to H, where I still think about H most
of the time and missing H. Where I still believe
and still hoping that we can be back together again
would it be fair for the new person?

I know that it's ok have all these doubts. There's no set
time clock to when to say "I love you" because it's a feeling,
not a mechanical response. When and if it is time
to say it to someone new, I'll know. I won't think about it;
it will be a purely emotional response, a feeling of security.
But for now, my heart is not ready; I can tell.
Every time I tried I felt my heart being pulled
in opposite directions. It wants to let go and try but then
again it pulls back and says no way, I cant handle it.

Time is actually the only thing I know that heals all wounds.
Pain is no fun as is a broken heart is no fun.
I took time to get to know myself again after the
broken relationship. I needed to know what I wanted and
what I needed to do for me to heal. I only know
that it took time for me to get to know me,
only then could I allow someone else in again to know
me as well as me getting to know them.
I'm giving myself some time to heal
and to love myself for who I am.
So that, I can love again.

" Most relationships fail because people rush
into them before knowing anything about each other.
Take your time. Don't waste your time. "

No regret, but love

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I need you for who you are,
even though the sun don't be shining
I remember you were by my side,
I want you for who you are,
Because when I'm with you, I can be myself.
Since you've been gone. Life still goes on.
But everyday feels like I'm breathing
but no longer living.

I can never take back that one essential moment in my life.
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice,
but falling in love with you I had no control over.
and yes, I feel like I've caused a betrayal
to the most important person who's
touched my heart, but as time goes on,
I realize that it was just a mistake. An error in judgment.
One of many that I'll make on the rest of my journey.

I'm learning to forgive myself for that,
and move on with the rest of my life.
Sure, I wish I had a giant eraser
to get rid of it, but I can't. I have to take what I can
from that, and grow from it
That mistake doesn't define who I'm , it distinguishes me
from the rest, and helps me grow.

I remember that night, you speak when you are angry.
You shouted, screamed at me. It broke my heart,
into even smaller pieces. Yes, I know its my fault to begin with.
You want me out of your life, you don't want to have
anything to do with me. You want to be
happy again; you say. I can't help but to start crying.

And then you say, you started to have regret knowing me.
I once brought you up and now, I'm the one who bringing you down.
At that moment It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.
But H, I will never regret or say that I wish I'd never met you.
Because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed.
And even up to now, if you wonder; I still love you as much.

I wish I could say I never loved you. But then
my tears would just yell at me for lying.
The fact is H, I never love you any less and I still need you in my life.
But for now, I have to learn living my life without you
hoping that one day, our path will cross again.

Sad Clown

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A good friend of mine,
called me yesterday night,
checking on me if I'm doing alright,
keeping up with the pain and heartbreak.
I can't help but wonder, how H is doing.

Without asking, she told me.
"Sayang, H is HAPPY now, H
feel much better and H feel lucky.
So please sayang, be HAPPY. Move on,
I don't want you to be upset and cry again
Accept the fact that H clearly don't need you anymore"

It's a slap to my face when I hear that.
I couldn't imagine, someone that I truly
love is doing much better without me in their life.
It crushes me to the ground. I don't want to
assume anything, I really hope that
wherever you are and whatever you do;
you are truly happy. That's what matter to me
the most now. For you, to be HAPPY.

What I learn from all this is that:
Never underestimate the pain of a person,
because everyone is struggling. Just that, some
people are better at hiding it than others.
Sometimes, I pretend to be HAPPY; to be a clown,
to make others HAPPY, just so I don't have to
explain why I'm not.

And for me, when you are in Love;
when you truly love someone, nothing matters
except the other person is HAPPY. Though,
you are not part of it.

You may see a smile on my face
But I assure you These are the Tears of A Clown. . .

What we enjoy eating, us.

I treasure all of these food, because of H!
I miss eating them with H.
Something that I will always cherish.

She says, He says

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


Apr 13, 2011 8:07pm

I'm telling you what is the
best for you. Move on! and
be happy again. Be strong
and bold! Go for driving
class, get your license and
get a car! Go to gym,
keep urself
healthy. Accept the new
job, take the challenge,
discover new things in life.
Eat,laugh n cry as much u
want! Life goes on Syafiq!!
And pls la. Enough la Syafiq!
I know la sakit! it hurts me too.
This is life... Have to go on.

Illy Aishah:

Apr 24, 2011 11:57am

What else you cn do haaa ? tell me!
Thres nthng else you cn do ! Cme on.
Dnt be so lame sayang !
Cut it off! Move on!

Apr 25, 2011 1:05pm

Syafiq, do you wanna get
good ass kicking frm me
ke apa ! Mve on. H dnt
need you anymre baby !
Knock on your head and
you will knw sayang ! I
love you ! Byk lg orang yg
sayang you. So preciate
org yg sayang you
sekarang ni ! Ignre mana
yg dh tk ada lg ! Do preciate it.


Apr 23, 2011 2:46am

I know you love H
but you have to try to
forget him sapik.let it
go.please?if not u will
suffer.more hurt.tlglah
sygkan diri sendiri.pkr rmi
lg syg u tau.i boleh bg
kata2 semangat and jd a
good listener tp u kene
jgk tlg diri u.try harder
ok?u have to.u want H to
be happy kan?u need to
be happy too.


Apr 26, 2011 9:15pm

Babe, I knw exactly
how you feel. I knw u
miss and love H
more than i could
imagined.but at the same
time,accept the fact that
H's no longer yours.its not
entirely your fault fiq.


Apr 29, 2011 2:02pm

Yala I tahu u sakit tp nk
wat camne u xde guna u
still nk dia lg. dia dah org
lain skrg ni . I nk u jgn ingat
dia lg u trus je
kwn ngn sapa u suka at
least u blh lupakn dia u
kne byk abiskn masa
untuk bersuka ria if x u
still duk ingt kn dia.
Jgn salah kn diri,
u kne kuat tau.

I'm happy to have them as my friends
I'm glad that I still have all the support
and Love from them. The fact is
they can say whatever they want.
But, it’s hard to tell my mind to stop
loving you,when my heart still does.

I still love you with all the little pieces
of my heart that left, and they can't take
them away from me. It’s the only
thing I have that still has your name on it.
The memories that I cherish.

Wake Up Call

Monday, May 2, 2011

Last weekend, It's been really hard on me.
The whole things that happened between us
finally hit me on my face and take a big tool on me.
We were supposed to go for a holiday at Penang.
But it doesn't happen the way I planned.
I'm very much upset, again its something that I have to pay
for my own mistake.

I tried to make myself busy, I call my friends out.
Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday 31st April - 3rd May,
I was out the whole time. Am to Am.
They tried to make me laugh, we went for a movie,
we had a talk, we had so much fun.
But at the back of my mind, in my heart,
I can't help but not to stop thinking about you.
I miss you H, I really do.
I still, love you as much.

Two days ago, I got to hear you voice. I feel relieved.
And yesterday, I saw you; with someone new.
At that moment a sense of urgency awakened me.
I panicked and cried a whole lot inside,
wondering how we were at this place
The place we never wanted to be
Apart, apart from each other.

You warned me once, not to say hello to you
if i saw you with someone new. "Awkward" you say.
All I want to do yesterday is run to you and say hello to you
and hug you and hold you close in my arms.
But I have to keep all that in my heart.
I don't have the strength to look at you nor to look straight into your eyes,
because my heart will shatter into pieces, and I don't want tears to
start running down. Seeing you, reminds me of how much I need you,
how much I love you, how much I miss you.

Today I awoke and looked in the mirror
I looked different, empty, sad and scared

I said to Myself:
I'm alone and the one person I loved
with all my heart is gone

A feeling of emptiness and loss has come over me
Everyday I cry thinking of you with someone else
Someone else taking my place
the place I never wanted to leave
How could I have ever let this happen?
It's all my fault,
Why did I keep pushing you away, you say.

If you would have told me a month ago
that on this day I would be alone
I would have told you "you're crazy"
Now a month later I'm still alone thinking
How I let that one person who made all the
difference in the world to me get away
and how you will never coming back.

You have changed me forever
I will never forget you 'til the day I die
Where ever you are I really hope you are happy.
Maybe one day our paths will cross again
H, I miss you my GILA.



Sunday, May 1, 2011

H, I tried to tell you, but words got in the way.
Can’t express what I had to say
I tried to find you, to make you realize
But explanations won’t change your mind.
My life is incomplete without you

I can’t erase what I don’t regret, time goes by.
My heart won’t let me hide, thoughts I’ve tried so hard to disguise
H, I can’t stop thinking about you.
It’s been so long, since you've been gone.
I know you are the only one for me, you are all that someone could wish for
I couldn't ask for more.

H, remember all of the good times? think about it for awhile.
I'm incomplete without you in my life.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean, like we should go our separate ways
Not considering the love and time that we shared together.

H, at night I wish upon a star and hope that you are near; not far.
And that you are loving me, always.
And when I lay me down to sleep, I pray that our love will always keep.

H, I long for you. Want to hold you.
Cause in my heart, you are the only one who knows me.
But now, my tears complete the pain.
I miss your touch, your kiss, your smile.
And inside I know, our love will never ever die.

I let you get deep down inside of my heart
and you filled your love with it and nobody could replace you.
And now, you leave me incomplete; H.

I Will Remember You

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard


Friday, April 29, 2011

I may have made it rain,
please forgive me,
My weakness caused you pain,
and this song's my sorry.

Begging for Forgiveness

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Once upon a time. we used to have fun...
Once upon a time, something happened to me,
it was the sweetest thing that ever could be, it was a fantasy,
a dream come true, it was the day that I met you.
Once upon a time, we were there for each other.
And, yes, there's been a lot of bad stuff in between.
But none of that matters right now, to me.
You need me, I'm there. Any time, any place, anywhere.
Because I know, I need you in my life.
But now it feels like war.

H, I can’t talk to you anymore; it’s not that I am mad at you,
I don't have the right anymore.
When I talk to you I realize how much I love you
and when I realize how much I love you,
I realize I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more.
And that makes me sad.
You know I spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you,
and every time you walked by i lost myself,
do you know what that feels like?

H, a lot of people walk in and out of my life,
but your one of the only people i
ever really wanted to stick around. I talked to myself:
People change, Syafiq. Yes, they do.
People die, and they move away... and they grow up.
Everything changes eventually and I think sometimes you
have to lose someone completely before
you can figure out what they really mean to you.

H, I miss you when something really good happens,
because you're the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when something is troubling me,
because you're the one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know
that you are the one that makes my laughter grow,
and my tears disappear.

I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most
when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful
times that we spent with each other for those were some of the
best and most memorable times of my life.

H, I fill my days with memories of you.
I remember how you used to look at me,
as if I was your most valuable treasure.
Has you found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder
if we will be able to find our way back to each other.
The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded
with such a dark thought. I feel our bond grows
weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it.

I know that things between us are pretty much
beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume
to try and make everything better with a conversation,
so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you,
I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you.
But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it.
But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our relationship.
And however far off it may be, I look forward
to the day that we can be together again. Tho, as a friend.
The fact is, no matter what goes on this year,
when you come back to me again, you know I'll be here.

Yes, people change

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

People might change but there are
two things that you can't change about them.
Their name and the memories you've had with them.
That's the reason why I still love you as much.

H, you're fine exactly as you are,
Your imperfections and flaws make you an unique individual.
After all, nobody's perfect and people do make mistake.
and I learn to live with it and to love you,
for who you are and I never hate you nor have the heart
to forget everything about you.
I can't get rid if this feeling I have for you
and I won't get rid of it.
I treasure what we have so much more than
anything else.


"I don't understand how people can
erase you from their lives, just because
it's easier than working things out.
And if someone really love you,
they wouldn't let you slip away,
no matter how hard the situation is."

But H, they can say whatever they want
I never questioned your love for me.
It's tearing me up inside knowing that
we can't be together for the mistake I've done.
Something that I have to pay for.
Nevertheless, I'm still have hope and believe in us ;')

Don't You Remember

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any sins,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye,
And a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye,

And a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
In hope that you'd find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?



Today, I cried again.


This is the reason why.
One of my colleague, was eating the green packet skittles
while i pass by her table.
And I can't help but my tears come running down my cheek.

It reminds me of all the good memories we had,
watching movies while eating this skittles.
I miss you, I miss us :')


Monday, April 25, 2011

I couldn't find the right words to say,
how much I miss you, how much I need you, how much I love you.
Losing you, has been one of the most difficult things that I need to deal with.

Yes, I've hurt your feelings. Yes, I've broke your heart.
And I'm sorry, I mean it when I say; sorry.
No one is perfect, I know what my mistake is
and I'm learning to be a better person because of you
and you, change me for a better. You, brings light into my life.
And I never love you any less, indeed I love you more and more each day.
He say, she say, they can say whatever they want,
but the truth is, I'm the one who's dealing with this.

I wish I can turn back time, I wish I can be with you again,
work things out and we can be happy again.
I, should be blame for all this,
I'm the one who ruins our relationship.
And I, couldn't help but to hate myself for what had happened.
I wish you could see, I wish you know how much I've change,
for a better. I've learn my lesson and I'm not doing it again.

As I'm writing this, tears running down my cheek,
I wish you know H, how much i miss you.
How much I cried every night to sleep.

I woke up every middle of the night since then,
losing myself in the dark. Looking for the light,
wishing that we are still together. But its too late.
I have to pay for the damage that I've caused
and my heart is broken into pieces.
Deep down, I'm still wishing, and hoping that
somehow, someday, we can be together again.

H, if you ever wonder,
You are still, the first person who entered my mind every morning
and yet the last person who leave my mind every night.
You, complete me like no one ever does.
I, can see myself in you.

H, don't ever doubt yourself.
You're one hell great of a person,
you're amazing just the way you are.
Your life stories moved me, touched my heart.
I never met an individual as strong as you are.
You have a lot of potential in you,
you can be someone successful in the near future.
And I'll pray for your success, as always.

H, I'm sorry for hurting you, for ruining your night and day
for causing a lot of misery, in your life.
All I have for you, is my love.
It's breaking my heart when I have this feeling
and I can't get it to you. It's breaking my heart
when all I desire is to hug you and hold you tight in my arms
and I can only keep it to myself.

I'm scared H, to lose you entirely.
I need you in my life.
I have so much to say and all I can hope for,
this is not the end for us.

Lumrah Manusia vs Lumrah Alam

Friday, April 2, 2010

Well i think this is my first ever entry
written in malay!seriously?lol
but its not my own words though,
i found this very interesting and heart catching
entry on the web, would love to share it with you guys!
so here you go:

Jika kamu memancing ikan....
Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail,
hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu....
Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia
semula ke dalam air begitu saja....
Kerana ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya ketajaman mata kailmu
dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.

Begitulah juga ........

Setelah kamu memberi banyak PENGHARAPAN kepada seseorang...
Setelah ia mulai MENYAYANGIMU hendaklah kamu MENJAGA hatinya....
Janganlah sesekali kamu meninggalkannya begitu saja....
Kerana dia akan TERLUKA oleh kenangan bersamamu
dan mungkin TIDAK dapat MELUPAKAN
segalanya selagi dia mengingatmu. ...

Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada,
jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya
dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh....
cukuplah sekadar KEPERLUANmu. ..
Apabila sekali ia retak.... tentu sukar untuk kamu
menampalnya semula.... Akhirnya ia dibuang....
Sedangkan jika kamu cuba memperbaikinya
mungkin ia masih dapat dipergunakan lagi....

Begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang,
TERIMALAH seadanya....
Janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya dan
janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu ISTIMEWA....
Anggaplah dia manusia biasa. Apabila sekali dia melakukan
KESILAPAN bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya. ...
akhirnya kamu KECEWA dan meninggalkannya.
Sedangkan jika kamu MEMAAFKANNYA boleh jadi hubungan
kamu akan TERUS hingga ke akhirnya....

Jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi...
yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu.
Mengenyangkan. Berkhasiat.
Mengapa kamu berlengah,
cuba mencari makanan yang lain..
Terlalu ingin mengejar kelazatan.
Kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya. Kamu akan MENYESAL.

Begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan.....
yang pasti membawa KEBAIKAN kepada dirimu.
Mengapa kamu berlengah,
cuba MEMBANDINGKANNYA dengan yang lain.
Terlalu mengejar KESEMPURNAAN.
Kelak, kamu akan KEHILANGANNYA apabila dia menjadi milik orang lain..
Kamu juga yang akan MENYESAL....

Susan Boyle: Cover Album, Revealed

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Susan Boyle's new album cover features
the global superstar as you have seen her
before--down-to-earth and natural.
Boyle's handlers are making sure that the
"Hairy Angel's" appeal is not diluted by Hollywood gloss.
On the cover of the 48-year-old's debut album
I Dreamed A Dream, she appears in all her wrinkled glory.

I Dreamed A Dream tracklisting:

"Wild Horses"
"I Dreamed A Dream"
"Cry Me A River"
"How Great Thou Art"
"You'll See"
"Daydream Believer"
"Up To The Mountain"
"Amazing Grace"
"Who I Was Born To Be"
"The End Of The World"


Sunday, October 11, 2009

hey!omg, im so back now.
after 4 months of practical training,
im successfully done with it!
i cant believe that i manage to pull things off
at the work place and i have no idea that its
gonna be this emotional to leave "them"

its over now and im ready for more action!
i believe that im a better person now and
i've learn so much valuable things!
to all Parkroyal Kuala Lumpur associates,
thank you so much!

p/s: im having semester break now, up until 25th October!

It's been forever!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

i know right! and im sorry,
i've been busy, real busy!

this is how my life looks like now:
i have to go to work everyday including saturday,
from 9am to 5pm. so basically i go to bed around
11pm every night and wake up at around 630am
every morning! i need to leave house around 715am
to make sure that im able to reached work place before time.
and i reached home around 615pm after work!

pretty lame isn't it?yes it is and i miss my social life
just like that!i can't wait to go back to uni life!

i'll be back guys, soon!very soon!

I'm Busy

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Life get the best of me,
im busy with so much stuffs.
i have so much to share but i don't have the time!
be back really soon!

Get in contact with me via Facebook instead.
do add me at


Saturday, July 18, 2009

English longest word!pheewww.
I can't even pronounce it well,
and I thought Mary Poppins’
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is the longest!


Births and Deaths in real time

This is interesting:

Really shows how small our day to day problems are.

Pay attention to the numbers at the bottom right
increasing and decreasing.


Monday, July 13, 2009

what is the world most annoying word?
personally, i hate the word whatever!
it should never be invented in the first place!
for me its carry the same meaning as
"who cares" and "like i care" ?

or sometimes perhaps when people lost words
or have no idea how to express their feelings
they will say that word too, which is annoying to me!

another reason on why people used that word is
when they're losing an argument and the next thing to say
is whatever, shhhh i could strangle!

what do u guys think?

Kapten Boleh @ Chnl 611

Friday, July 10, 2009

Yeay, hari ahad ni which is esok
tengok la aku in action @ channel 611
cerita kapten boleh.tak sure episode berapa.

Shooting cerita ni dah lama ok!time tu rambut panjang,
rambut betul yea!bukan rambut palsu(Ramai orang tanya)! jgn lupa esok 10am!

Oh lagi satu, Manjalara.episode bila tak sure.
tp next week rasanya!kalau tak silap la!

p/s: thanks Syia/Julie teman shooting that time!

Donna @ MSU

Monday, July 6, 2009

So i've been telling a friend of mine, Donna
that i've seen his adv on monorail train.
he's been dying to see that adv since he
never got the chance to catch the train!

well im using monorail everyday to get to work place,
and i manage to snap couple of photos that consist
of him on MSU advertisement, now you're happy huh!
im a crappy photographer, orang ramai la weh, tebal muka,
even though its not that good, but you manage to see it now.
thanks to me!

p/s: so you figured, Donna is the guy with the white
shirt on the MSU adv. Donna is his real name yeah,
Donna Muslim Nuzmul Komar.