Begging for Forgiveness

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Once upon a time. we used to have fun...
Once upon a time, something happened to me,
it was the sweetest thing that ever could be, it was a fantasy,
a dream come true, it was the day that I met you.
Once upon a time, we were there for each other.
And, yes, there's been a lot of bad stuff in between.
But none of that matters right now, to me.
You need me, I'm there. Any time, any place, anywhere.
Because I know, I need you in my life.
But now it feels like war.

H, I can’t talk to you anymore; it’s not that I am mad at you,
I don't have the right anymore.
When I talk to you I realize how much I love you
and when I realize how much I love you,
I realize I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more.
And that makes me sad.
You know I spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you,
and every time you walked by i lost myself,
do you know what that feels like?

H, a lot of people walk in and out of my life,
but your one of the only people i
ever really wanted to stick around. I talked to myself:
People change, Syafiq. Yes, they do.
People die, and they move away... and they grow up.
Everything changes eventually and I think sometimes you
have to lose someone completely before
you can figure out what they really mean to you.

H, I miss you when something really good happens,
because you're the one I want to share it with.
I miss you when something is troubling me,
because you're the one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know
that you are the one that makes my laughter grow,
and my tears disappear.

I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most
when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful
times that we spent with each other for those were some of the
best and most memorable times of my life.

H, I fill my days with memories of you.
I remember how you used to look at me,
as if I was your most valuable treasure.
Has you found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder
if we will be able to find our way back to each other.
The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded
with such a dark thought. I feel our bond grows
weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it.

I know that things between us are pretty much
beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume
to try and make everything better with a conversation,
so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you,
I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you.
But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it.
But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our relationship.
And however far off it may be, I look forward
to the day that we can be together again. Tho, as a friend.
The fact is, no matter what goes on this year,
when you come back to me again, you know I'll be here.