I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Words are cheap, and love, it speaks the volumes that we need to make our hearts grow weak. So come on back, and have some laughs. Remember that the good times, they ain't so bad. Cause I am dying to try and find a way we can leave this all behind.

Gila, you're the air I would kill to breathe. Holds my love in your hands, still I'm searching for something. Out of breath, I am left, hoping someday I'll breathe again. It hurts to be here. I only wanted love from you. It hurts to be here. What am I gonna do?

It's too late, it’s too late to fix this. What’s the point? This is all so pointless. Sorry I tried so hard. And just, next time that I see you, just remind me not to act just like I care. All those memories you killed, and you’re just burning bridges you helped build. And everything that I say, I hope it brings you back to that one day. While all I have left to do is to just keep reminding myself to forget about you.

And I felt I was on fire with the things I could have told you. I guess I just assumed that you eventually would ask. And I wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart. And all those months I just wanted to sleep.
And it's you who I long for when I cannot sleep.

Maybe to you, I'm just a mistake. Maybe you don't love me anymore and you will never will love me the way you used to. But H, you're once mine and you're the best thing that ever happened to me, still. I love you with all my heart, always will. And I’m yours if you want, and I can be yours to spend your life with. I can be yours, we’ll hide indoors, petrified of the world. And if you’d rather stay in at night, I can relate to that. And if it feels like your heart’s dried up, I can relate to that. And if you need someone at your side, I am out there.

2 comments:

Valerie said...

I was looking up to my ex's links, finding out about his life, when I came across your blog. Every word was spesifically placed beautifully, as if you wrote about me.
Somehow, in movies, there are certain part, or scene, that just clicked you, and you feel belong.
I don't know who you are, but I know how badly you were wounded.
And I know it has been a while now, maybe you've get over it, but if you truly loves someone sooooooooo much and they hurt your feelings, the wound will still hurt even after a decade. yes, a decade.
There will always a spot there somewhere, empty and impaired. And nothing will make it as whole again.

syafiq duckie said...

I just read this and you are right Valerie. I did moved on but the wound still hurt and in some way, changes me. I'm afraid to love whole heartedly anymore, I need to break free but I couldn't find a way. There is an empty spot in me because of what had happened, just like what you said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I feel you too.