Proud

Life is exciting you step outside of your comfort zone.
All it takes is a little bit of imagination, exploring and
looking for more from what life is willing to offer you.
Living a life that is full of experiences is the way to go
- after all you only get to live once!!

Today, is the last day for me working in Jobstreet.com
And its a new beginning; adventure in life for H.
H, I wish I can tell you how proud I'm with you.
At one point, I'm very happy for you and on
the other hand, I'm upset because I wish I'm there with you.
To give you full support and to be by your side.

I wish I can tell you how happy I'm for you.
But I remember, the limitation that I've caused;
from pushing you away. It breaks my heart,
not being able to tell you how I feel, I have to
keep it all in me and just to keep it aside.
It is something that i have to pay for, my own mistake.
I wish you know, how difficult it has been since
the day you leave my life.

I wish you all the best H, and good luck with the
new path you're taking in your life. I know you
can do it, just believe in yourself. and I know
for sure that you'll do great. I have so much hope
for you in the near future. You have so much potential
to grow as a person and to be successful.
Just believe in yourself, I believe in you.
I miss you, H.

The end of a journey, the beginning of a new

As some of you know, today is my last
day working at Jobstreet. com. Importantly, the decision to
leave has been entirely of my own making.
I can't tell you how difficult it is to describe
how sad I am to be leaving. When I got here months
ago (16/08/2010), I would never have realized how connected
I would be to such a warm community of people.
To all of the wonderful people whom I have had
the opportunity to work with over the past 9 months - Thank You.

During my tenure here, many times I have been
humbled by the kindness of each and every one of you.
You’ve helped me through some difficult times,
and shared the joyous times in yours. Some people
judge their lives on what they do, others on who they are.
I want my life judged on the friends I keep, and how
enriched I am from just knowing you. The times shared,
friendships forged and the incredible successes which
we have enjoyed have been an extraordinary part of my life.
I am very proud of what we have achieved and they
have been times I will never forget.

To quote Shakespeare:
"And whether we shall meet again I know not.
Therefore our everlasting farewell take:
Forever, and forever, farewell, friends!
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile;
If not, why, then this parting was well made. "

So... until the next time we gather, my very dear friends, farewell for now.

My heart is not ready, healing

When someone is in your heart, they're never truly gone.
They can comeback to you, even at unlikely times.
And I believe that, no one can stop loving or caring
for someone in an instant... unless the feelings
were fake to start with.

I can't help but wonder if I'm capable of loving again.
My heart is not ready, still healing, still hurting.
Someone comes along into my life, at the right time.
Wanting to know me better, wanting to be with me.
Yet I feel myself irresistibly draw away
from this level of committing this quickly.

I have a lot of questions in my mind:
How long would you estimate would be a
normal about of time for someone to open up
to another person, after having a somewhat bumpy
relationship prior? How will I know I actually
love this person? How will I know that I'm not just
committing into it just to be the pleaser, thus starting
the door-mat type relationship all over again?
And finally, is it wrong of me to have second thoughts
about being in a committed relationship at this time?
I'm still not ready, where somehow somewhat my heart
still belong to H, where I still think about H most
of the time and missing H. Where I still believe
and still hoping that we can be back together again
would it be fair for the new person?

I know that it's ok ...to have all these doubts. There's no set
time clock to when to say "I love you" because it's a feeling,
not a mechanical response. When and if it is time
to say it to someone new, I'll know. I won't think about it;
it will be a purely emotional response, a feeling of security.
But for now, my heart is not ready; I can tell.
Every time I tried I felt my heart being pulled
in opposite directions. It wants to let go and try but then
again it pulls back and says no way, I cant handle it.

Time is actually the only thing I know that heals all wounds.
Pain is no fun as is a broken heart is no fun.
I took time to get to know myself again after the
broken relationship. I needed to know what I wanted and
what I needed to do for me to heal. I only know
that it took time for me to get to know me,
only then could I allow someone else in again to know
me as well as me getting to know them.
I'm giving myself some time to heal
and to love myself for who I am.
So that, I can love again.

" Most relationships fail because people rush
into them before knowing anything about each other.
Take your time. Don't waste your time. "

No regret, but love

I need you for who you are,
even though the sun don't be shining
I remember you were by my side,
I want you for who you are,
Because when I'm with you, I can be myself.
Since you've been gone. Life still goes on.
But everyday feels like I'm breathing
but no longer living.

I can never take back that one essential moment in my life.
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice,
but falling in love with you I had no control over.
and yes, I feel like I've caused a betrayal
to the most important person who's
touched my heart, but as time goes on,
I realize that it was just a mistake. An error in judgment.
One of many that I'll make on the rest of my journey.

I'm learning to forgive myself for that,
and move on with the rest of my life.
Sure, I wish I had a giant eraser
to get rid of it, but I can't. I have to take what I can
from that, and grow from it
That mistake doesn't define who I'm , it distinguishes me
from the rest, and helps me grow.

I remember that night, you speak when you are angry.
You shouted, screamed at me. It broke my heart,
into even smaller pieces. Yes, I know its my fault to begin with.
You want me out of your life, you don't want to have
anything to do with me. You want to be
happy again; you say. I can't help but to start crying.

And then you say, you started to have regret knowing me.
I once brought you up and now, I'm the one who bringing you down.
At that moment It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.
But H, I will never regret or say that I wish I'd never met you.
Because once upon a time, you were exactly what I needed.
And even up to now, if you wonder; I still love you as much.

I wish I could say I never loved you. But then
my tears would just yell at me for lying.
The fact is H, I never love you any less and I still need you in my life.
But for now, I have to learn living my life without you
hoping that one day, our path will cross again.

Sad Clown

A good friend of mine,
called me yesterday night,
checking on me if I'm doing alright,
keeping up with the pain and heartbreak.
I can't help but wonder, how H is doing.

Without asking, she told me.
"Sayang, H is HAPPY now, H
feel much better and H feel lucky.
So please sayang, be HAPPY. Move on,
I don't want you to be upset and cry again
Accept the fact that H clearly don't need you anymore"

It's a slap to my face when I hear that.
I couldn't imagine, someone that I truly
love is doing much better without me in their life.
It crushes me to the ground. I don't want to
assume anything, I really hope that
wherever you are and whatever you do;
you are truly happy. That's what matter to me
the most now. For you, to be HAPPY.

What I learn from all this is that:
Never underestimate the pain of a person,
because everyone is struggling. Just that, some
people are better at hiding it than others.
Sometimes, I pretend to be HAPPY; to be a clown,
to make others HAPPY, just so I don't have to
explain why I'm not.

And for me, when you are in Love;
when you truly love someone, nothing matters
except the other person is HAPPY. Though,
you are not part of it.

You may see a smile on my face
But I assure you These are the Tears of A Clown. . .

What we enjoy eating, us.

I treasure all of these food, because of H!
I miss eating them with H.
Something that I will always cherish.

She says, He says

Subba:

Apr 13, 2011 8:07pm

I'm telling you what is the
best for you. Move on! and
be happy again. Be strong
and bold! Go for driving
class, get your license and
get a car! Go to gym,
keep urself
healthy. Accept the new
job, take the challenge,
discover new things in life.
Eat,laugh n cry as much u
want! Life goes on Syafiq!!
And pls la. Enough la Syafiq!
I know la sakit! it hurts me too.
This is life... Have to go on.

Illy Aishah:

Apr 24, 2011 11:57am

What else you cn do haaa ? tell me!
Thres nthng else you cn do ! Cme on.
Dnt be so lame sayang !
Cut it off! Move on!

Apr 25, 2011 1:05pm

Syafiq, do you wanna get
good ass kicking frm me
ke apa ! Mve on. H dnt
need you anymre baby !
Knock on your head and
you will knw sayang ! I
love you ! Byk lg orang yg
sayang you. So preciate
org yg sayang you
sekarang ni ! Ignre mana
yg dh tk ada lg ! Do preciate it.

Net:

Apr 23, 2011 2:46am

I know you love H
but you have to try to
forget him sapik.let it
go.please?if not u will
suffer.more hurt.tlglah
sygkan diri sendiri.pkr rmi
lg syg u tau.i boleh bg
kata2 semangat and jd a
good listener tp u kene
jgk tlg diri u.try harder
ok?u have to.u want H to
be happy kan?u need to
be happy too.

Wina:

Apr 26, 2011 9:15pm

Babe, I knw exactly
how you feel. I knw u
miss and love H
more than i could
imagined.but at the same
time,accept the fact that
H's no longer yours.its not
entirely your fault fiq.

Megat:

Apr 29, 2011 2:02pm

Yala I tahu u sakit tp nk
wat camne u xde guna u
still nk dia lg. dia dah org
lain skrg ni . I nk u jgn ingat
dia lg u trus je
kwn ngn sapa u suka at
least u blh lupakn dia u
kne byk abiskn masa
untuk bersuka ria if x u
still duk ingt kn dia.
Jgn salah kn diri,
u kne kuat tau.


I'm happy to have them as my friends
I'm glad that I still have all the support
and Love from them. The fact is
they can say whatever they want.
But, it’s hard to tell my mind to stop
loving you,when my heart still does.

I still love you with all the little pieces
of my heart that left, and they can't take
them away from me. It’s the only
thing I have that still has your name on it.
The memories that I cherish.

Wake Up Call

Last weekend, It's been really hard on me.
The whole things that happened between us
finally hit me on my face and take a big tool on me.
We were supposed to go for a holiday at Penang.
But it doesn't happen the way I planned.
I'm very much upset, again its something that I have to pay
for my own mistake.

I tried to make myself busy, I call my friends out.
Saturday,Sunday,Monday,Tuesday 31st April - 3rd May,
I was out the whole time. Am to Am.
They tried to make me laugh, we went for a movie,
we had a talk, we had so much fun.
But at the back of my mind, in my heart,
I can't help but not to stop thinking about you.
I miss you H, I really do.
I still, love you as much.

Two days ago, I got to hear you voice. I feel relieved.
And yesterday, I saw you; with someone new.
At that moment a sense of urgency awakened me.
I panicked and cried a whole lot inside,
wondering how we were at this place
The place we never wanted to be
Apart, apart from each other.

You warned me once, not to say hello to you
if i saw you with someone new. "Awkward" you say.
All I want to do yesterday is run to you and say hello to you
and hug you and hold you close in my arms.
But I have to keep all that in my heart.
I don't have the strength to look at you nor to look straight into your eyes,
because my heart will shatter into pieces, and I don't want tears to
start running down. Seeing you, reminds me of how much I need you,
how much I love you, how much I miss you.

Today I awoke and looked in the mirror
I looked different, empty, sad and scared

I said to Myself:
I'm alone and the one person I loved
with all my heart is gone

A feeling of emptiness and loss has come over me
Everyday I cry thinking of you with someone else
Someone else taking my place
the place I never wanted to leave
How could I have ever let this happen?
It's all my fault,
Why did I keep pushing you away, you say.

If you would have told me a month ago
that on this day I would be alone
I would have told you "you're crazy"
Now a month later I'm still alone thinking
How I let that one person who made all the
difference in the world to me get away
and how you will never coming back.

You have changed me forever
I will never forget you 'til the day I die
Where ever you are I really hope you are happy.
Maybe one day our paths will cross again
H, I miss you my GILA.

=')

Incomplete

H, I tried to tell you, but words got in the way.
Can’t express what I had to say
I tried to find you, to make you realize
But explanations won’t change your mind.
My life is incomplete without you

I can’t erase what I don’t regret, time goes by.
My heart won’t let me hide, thoughts I’ve tried so hard to disguise
H, I can’t stop thinking about you.
It’s been so long, since you've been gone.
I know you are the only one for me, you are all that someone could wish for
I couldn't ask for more.

H, remember all of the good times? think about it for awhile.
I'm incomplete without you in my life.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean, like we should go our separate ways
Not considering the love and time that we shared together.

H, at night I wish upon a star and hope that you are near; not far.
And that you are loving me, always.
And when I lay me down to sleep, I pray that our love will always keep.

H, I long for you. Want to hold you.
Cause in my heart, you are the only one who knows me.
But now, my tears complete the pain.
I miss your touch, your kiss, your smile.
And inside I know, our love will never ever die.

I let you get deep down inside of my heart
and you filled your love with it and nobody could replace you.
And now, you leave me incomplete; H.

I Will Remember You

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard